As I go through this painful process of divorce I have learned that being who I am is extremely important. For years I have tried to be everything to everyone and lost perspective of who I was and am. This led me to going into a rebound relationship when I was not ready for a relationship, I needed to heal and make sure I was strong enough to stay true to myself and be the best person I can be.
At first the only question I had was "Who am I without the family I once knew?" To be honest I did not know who I was. I spent countless hours and sleepless nights thinking about this question and trying to find the answer. One answer that I did get was none of this was a mistake, me being married and now divorced was not outside of God's plan for my life. Right now in the middle of it I cannot see the good that is going to come out of this but I realize there are others who have traveled this road before me and have a much better life.
Another aspect of my life I know I am is what many people would call a nice guy. Understanding this was important because I am not able to comprehend how some men can go from one woman to the next without any remorse. Or to put it more bluntly how men can have one night stands. I am not built that way, I am a family guy and always will be. I love being the dad, being the husband who always comes home after work. This was a huge enlightenment as it helped me to understand that I am not going to quickly get into a relationship, it is going to take some time to get there.
Becoming comfortable with being single is another area that I have learned to be true to myself. It took this weekend to get there, actually spent a Friday night trying to watch a movie but instead sat in tears wanting to just talk to someone. Instead of reaching out I forced myself to sit there by myself and feel the emotions. Did it hurt? Hell yes, but afterwards I was able to become more comfortable with being single.
Throughout this process I have learned that each day will bring something new that I will need to work through. There are going to be moments of sadness, then moments of hope. The moments of hope help to bring through the moments of sadness. I also know that if God brings someone new into my life down the road I want to make sure I can be a better person then when I was first married. I want to learn from my mistakes, and also to learn to be true to myself and be confident in who this person is. This might mean it takes longer to find new love, but good things come to those who wait.
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