"When are you and mom getting back together again?" "I want the old family back." "Why did mom leave us?" These questions and statements haunted me and still do. How do I answer them? Should I tell them the truth?.......
Not only did I have these questions but with three children each one was acting differently. The oldest (who is a step child but choose to stay with me and the other two) is a teenager and would hide in her room. I know this is natural for any teenager but I wanted to make sure she was alright. My son who is the middle child and just like me held everything in and not say much. I would question a little but would not pry. The youngest was a totally different story, she is the one that would ask the questions, I knew the other two were looking to see how I would answer and they had the same questions too.
So how did I handle it? First I would tell my youngest to pray, pray that God would heal our family and mommy would come back to us. After awhile and when my ex decided to see the kids more regularly (we have 50/50 custody) I would tell the youngest that our family is not going back to the way it was and that we are going to learn together our new normal. It broke my heart every time the questions would come up and I would see the heartache in their eyes.
Some of the other actions my children took was sleeping in the bed with me (not the teenager of course but the younger two). Again the youngest would be the honest one, she said one night she wants to sleep in my bed to make sure I did not leave like mommy did. That tore me apart, I assured her I would never leave her and also told her mommy loved her. One last statement that was made that broke me in two was when my youngest was mad at me she said "I know why mommy left you were not loyal to her!!!!!!" Luckily I walked away from her before shouting back "you have it all wrong, mommy was not loyal twice." Instead I took a breather from the situation and walked in letting her know that mommy was the one that wanted to leave and that as a child she needs to worry about kid stuff.
Men here is my advise. Purpose in your heart not to speak badly about your ex in front of the children. Do whatever you can to help your children to love their mommy It will be extremely hard with all the arrows that will be flying your way from your ex and her lawyer, but remember the kids have half her blood in them and will always love their mom. No matter how rough things become and the lies that may be said, know that after everything is over the kids will be there and you do not want to be trying to explain your actions away.
In another post I will go over some ways to run a household as a single dad. Luckily for me I already did a lot of the chores around the house and knew how to cook, but there are still challenges of getting everything done. First though make sure you are plugged into a church and have people around you that can help you to walk through the first couple of months, the emotional roller coaster takes a toll, and trying to raise kids just ads to the stress. I did not ask for help enough, the church I attend asked if they could cook for me for the first couple weeks and because of my pride I said "no." I wish I would have taken them up on it, as the meals we had were not very good.
I want to end this post with a glimpse of how Jesus treated the children while he walked the earth:
Let the Children Come to Me
13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 16 And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. 2001 (Mk 10:13–16). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
I love how Jesus took them in his arms and blessed them. I tell my kids all the time no matter what is happening Jesus is there with open arms willing to listen.
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