How did I get here

Nine months into this hell called divorce and some long nights and weeks it is time to lay down my thoughts and feelings to help others who may be going through the same thing.  Let me start with the back story and will go from there:

Back in February of 2016 I noticed that my lovely wife of 12 years had changed, things had become distant, this same thing happened less then two years ago when I found out she had stepped outside of the marriage.  So naturally I started to question what was going on and try to bring us closer again, like I did the last time she became distant.  This time the lies became even more extravagant, going so far as to start claiming abuse that was not there, anything to keep me from looking more into what was going on.  It was to the point that I actually believed some of these lies and was wondering who I was and if I was this monster she claimed me to be.  It took a toll on me and when I finally found the truth that she was planning on moving into another place with her new girlfriend I lost my mind. 

On the day I looked on the computer and saw the email that she was looking at a place with her girlfriend I confronted her.  She claimed she was trying to figure out if she could make it on her own to get away from me if I did not change (another deflection to keep me guessing), told her right then that she needed to decide if she was going to be in or out with the marriage that I am not going to beg her to stay with me anymore (first step into becoming less codependent).  She choose out, which meant walking out of the family for two months to "find herself." 

So here we are eight months later and my mind is starting to clear a little.  Let me say one thing first I AM AGAINST DIVORCE!!!! There is a reason God says he hates divorce, it not only hurts the parties involved but those around said parties.  Also, like in my case, if children are involved they go through pains that no child should ever experience.

Over the next weeks and months I will add posts about some of the feelings and experiences I have had over the last few months.  When I googled divorce and recovery almost everything is geared towards woman and their pain, I know there are a lot of men out there who have been blindsided and in a ton of pain right now like I have been.  My goal is to first hopefully stop divorce (if just one family is saved from the brink I feel this has been a success) and if there is divorce to know the feelings are real, to feel them and let the process work.