Danger Ahead

Throughout this blog I will go over different aspects of my divorce that I have learned from.  Be it from feelings to actions I have taken.  Right now I want to address one huge danger that I walked into and luckily walked out of before becoming burned.

The danger I am talking of is the rebound relationship.  Let me be clear DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT AWAY!!!!! I cannot say it enough DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT AWAY!!!!! Yes I know your lonely and it hurts just to look at the bed.  If your like me you have slept on the couch, the floor, in a chair, anywhere to get some sleep.  I was on Xanex, Ambien, and would take Nyquil. If I was lucky the first two months I would get three hours of sleep.  It sucked, I just wanted the pain to go away and become manageable, so I took the advise of those around me and worked hard to get a date.  Believing the lie that in order to get over a relationship you need to get into one. 

The first date should have been my clue to never call her again.  She had different beliefs then me, a different political view, and a different way to raise her kids.  For some reason instead of walking away I would text her daily and we had more dates, including an evening with all the kids together.  What I liked about it was the pain I was feeling was replaced with infatuation.  The butterflies and puppy love came back.  Even though the warning signs were there I ignored them and went full forward with this relationship.  All of the sudden one morning I woke up understanding that I needed to stop this relationship from going further then where it was going.

Men, I know what its like, you miss wrapping your arms around the woman you loved.  You miss waking up to her next to you and giving her the soft kiss before going to work then coming home to her.  You would give anything to get that back.  But I believe Solomon said it right in Ecclesiastes 3....."there is a time for everything."  The time right now is for healing and spending time reflecting on who you are.  Also, if you have children like I do the time right now is to take care of them (there will be more on children in a future post).  They have had the same trauma we have had and need to have stability, and getting into a relationship will not help that.  

I hope this helps someone to avoid the pitfall I walked into.  I know how much it hurts, my situation may not be the same as yours, but the pain is there.  I am not totally out of it yet, and have moments I go backwards in my healing.  Please reach out with any questions you may have on how to deal with the pain, know there are others out there who have or are walking this path you are on. Just please do not turn to another woman to take away the pain.